Wednesday, October 28, 2009

VNS update . . .

Gross . . . its so crappy when you're own body grosses you out. The ulcer over the stupid VNS on my chest has broken over a slight amount and there is this beautiful drainage coming out of it. Lovely. I'm totally disgusted with it. It just makes me sick to look at it that it has come to this. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and my jaw was clenched together so hard, my jaw felt sore. I wondered what would have done that, since pain usually does that and I figured I would have woken up to a pain that great and I woke up with just the throbbing in my chest that has been there for almost two years. Its sad that I am totally used to that pain. I wonder if that is what was the pain. I dunno.
I can't go to the doctor right now. I have no one to look after the dogs. I have to work. I have to run. And now this thing has chosen the most content I have been in a long time to attempt to come out of my chest like a little alien. I am so pissed off about this. Uggh. How long can I go trying to forget this is happening to me? At least until next week? I hope I have that long.

PS: The image is not of my actual breast. This is the lump the VNS has made underneath the tissue above the breast. Its like I actually have three lovely boobs. Uggh. That is actually drainage coming from the ulcer site. It is clear (thankfully) with a yellow tinge to it (for all my nursing friends).

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