Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Verdict . . .

Well, the VNS is infected. There is a pocket of infected buggy fluid around the VNS. I get to see the Infectious Disease team the first thing next week to talk about nuking the bugs and the VNS will 99% have to come out. Actually, I was told the thing was coming out, but I am holding on by my fingernails that it might get to stay in, but I won't be taking any chances anyway. I will have to get a PICC line and get IV antibiotics until that can happen and afterwards. I am really hoping at least the wires can be left in an an attempt at a reimplantation can be made somewhere down the line, but this all doesn't look good and I might have to accept that.

It was the worse news possible I could hear. I am actually taking it as well as can be expected, because I am trying not to look down the line at my future. One step at a time is all I can take right now.

I am sooooo grateful for the support of my family and friends. It takes some of the everyday stressors that you have to worry about with such a burden so much easier. I won't have to worry about Peanut, Latte or Stella or anything like that.

I plan on working right through the PICC line and antibiotics crap, but I obviously will not be able to work after the surgery and the post op period. Hopefully, I can get back ASAP after that post op stuff is over (I am hoping 4 weeks, but they let you back after 6 weeks). but that might not be up to me. I really hate how Occ Health would want to keep me out longer.

My running milage this week has been fantastic. I've been under so much stress since this has started and running long has really helped the stress and thinking about everything. I hope I can continue running for as long as possible, but I don't know how much I will be able to do after the surgery. I will probably keep up with walking though, until cleared for running.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Another update . . .

So the below pictures with an explanation of what has been actively going on these past couple days was e-mailed to my doctor (the great one) and he answered me right back, telling me I needed an urgent neurosurgery appointment right away and he'd get back to me. I knew this was coming, but when the sudden realization of what was going on came upon me, I got all shaky and felt sick to my stomach. I then went for a run.

Running is great. It was in the rain and almost soul cleansing. Unfortunately, when I came back, I get a voice mail saying my doctor wanted me to report to ER right away and I was to have a neurosurgery appointment (with a different surgeon than the first one) on Friday. Things are finally moving fast, but it is very overwhelming and I am not handling it very well. I have decided not to report to ER tonite, but will first thing in the morning. I have theatre tickets for tonite and we are going out to dinner and I want to have fun and forget this stress first.

VNS update . . .

Gross . . . its so crappy when you're own body grosses you out. The ulcer over the stupid VNS on my chest has broken over a slight amount and there is this beautiful drainage coming out of it. Lovely. I'm totally disgusted with it. It just makes me sick to look at it that it has come to this. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and my jaw was clenched together so hard, my jaw felt sore. I wondered what would have done that, since pain usually does that and I figured I would have woken up to a pain that great and I woke up with just the throbbing in my chest that has been there for almost two years. Its sad that I am totally used to that pain. I wonder if that is what was the pain. I dunno.
I can't go to the doctor right now. I have no one to look after the dogs. I have to work. I have to run. And now this thing has chosen the most content I have been in a long time to attempt to come out of my chest like a little alien. I am so pissed off about this. Uggh. How long can I go trying to forget this is happening to me? At least until next week? I hope I have that long.

PS: The image is not of my actual breast. This is the lump the VNS has made underneath the tissue above the breast. Its like I actually have three lovely boobs. Uggh. That is actually drainage coming from the ulcer site. It is clear (thankfully) with a yellow tinge to it (for all my nursing friends).

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Update on the VNS . . .

So where the VNS is in my chest, there is now a little ulcer directly on top of the skin above where the stimulator is coming out of the chest. The red area is larger and visibly gets larger everyday. It makes me sick just looking at it. I have a dressing overtop of it, but it now just is always throbbing. Uggh. I hope I don't have to wait much longer for this to be resolved. I also don't want surgery to interrupt my running too much. I just don't know what to do about this. I wish this did not need to happen at all. I wish it would all just go away.

H1N1 . . .

What a farce this is. The hospital is only giving out the vaccine to the ER and the ICU nurses first. They want us to go to the Public Health Units with our ID, but the clinics are closed for the day (after a disasterous opening day yesterday). What's going to happen if a third (for example) of the nurses get sick at any one time? What would happen if a tenth of the nurses get sick? We don't have the staff to cover a floor if one or two people get sick in a day. Management spent all summer in "pandemic planning" meetings? Ya, right.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Three days off . . .

I am on my first day of three days off. What a wonderful rest I'm going to have! I am working the first weekend in about two years coming up. It sounds like a nasty tradeoff, but I sometimes don't like my days off on the weekend. The grocery stores are crowded, everywhere you go is crowded, because everyone has those two days off. The nice thing about these upcoming three days off is everyone else is working. I find the hospital is very, very stressful during the weekdays, with all the patients going for tests, doctors wanting this done and that done - NOW, etc. Weekends are relaxing and easy. People tend to not come to the hospital for their issues on the weekend - they will generally leave it until Monday, especially when the weather is nice.

Today, I'm going to have my mid week longish run, tomorrow, I'm going to have a smaller distance run, then Friday I'm going to do my long run. I'm just going to do my regular run commutes on the weekend, and pick up again next week. Nice!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Zombieland . . .

I just wanted to mention a movie I saw last night that was a real fun time. Zombieland is labelled as a "horror-comedy" but the emphasis is on the comedy and the horror is just the backdrop or the situation/setting for the story. It's a movie that you start laughing in the starting credits and keep laughing on the way home. Real enjoyable. The actors are perfectly cast. The one liners are great. The story is great. Nothing too complicated, but real fun to watch.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Great trail run and shopping this weekend . . .

I was down because I was missing the last 5Peaks trail race on Saturday. It looks as if the VNS in my chest might be ripping itself from the inside out. I thought that wasn't possible, until I noticed the purple and red mark that formed after the last adhesion rip didn't go away, but started getting worse and worse and the pain is now pin-pointed right in the middle of the mark. The mark gets bigger everyday. I've been putting dressings on it just in case and I have an appointment with neurosurgery (I'm hoping it's not the original surgeon) in December. At this rate, I'm not going to be making the appointment. I'm thinking it might be a trip to emerg before then. I am not looking forward to that, but sometimes that is the way to finally get this dealt with. The consent for the surgery to fix the placement of this thing was signed almost two years ago. I need this resolved one way or the other. This is just a real painful way for it to happen.

So, I shouldn't be running on really uneven surfaces right now. I am running on streets with a chest binder to minimize pain (and it's not the most comfortable thing to run in let me tell you).

So what's a girl to do? Go trail running! To the top of King Mountain in Gatineau Park no less! I must say though, there was a lot of hiking and fooling around though. Here are some selections.
Spent some time online rewarding myself for being 25/25 in the 100 day challenge by buying some winter running gear. Got a trail tech shirt from Lulu (I got one last year and loved it so much!), a pair of their ultra tights and a ta ta tamer, got a spibelt, and a pair of microspikes and a running backpack for running back and forth to work. I don't like running with the bag I have now. It is too bouncy and doesn't distribute things well and slows me down. I'll give reviews when I try the things out.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I'm now a twit . . .

I'm now on Twitter as carrieruns.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tired . . .

This is the second day I've got up at 5am. Nasty. The first day (yesterday) I got up early to give another crack at early morning running. Not good. I ran out of streetlights and could only safely run 2.2K before running out of a safe running environment. I just felt it wasn't worth it. I think I'm sticking to my afternoon/evening runs. I just feel fantastic when I run at that time. This morning, I wasn't planning to run, but just got up almost an hour before the alarm went off and couldn't go back to sleep. Uggh. I can't wait until my day off tomorrow, when I can sleep in.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I've hit 1000 km . . .

I hit 1000 km run in 2009 this afternoon during a beautiful 10.72K trail run! What a great run. You can't beat running through fall colours. A lot of dogs out too.