Monday, September 21, 2009

Uggh . . .

And that is my Facebook status for today.

After what I thought was a quiet couple of weeks, I have a seizure last Wednesday and one today. Uggh. Seizures suck. I actually knew yesterday that I really pushed last weekend, with running (although they were easy runs) about 19K over two days, and waking up early (for me) for the Army Run. Plumb tuckered myself out and probably brought on today's little incident. Now I feel drained and I'm trying to counteract it with coffee. It never works. Post seizure tiredness does not respond to coffee. It never stops me from trying though.

The Army Run was amazing though. I woke up a little late and I wanted to run 5K downtown to the start line for the 5K, run the 5K, then after the M&G, run home the 5K for a total of approximately 15K for Sunday. Well, I was fussing around the house for wardrobe ideas, because it was cold in the morning, and I knew it would warm up fast during the morning, so by the time I got to the Pretoria Bridge, I saw the leaders of the 5K speed past. And, of course, Colonel By Drive was blocked for the race, so I couldn't have even crossed to get to the start line. Oh well. *roll eyes* No big deal. I saw J race by and she saw me.

I finally got downtown and headed for the pre-half-marathon hoopla. Met up with a few people, saw D and A and C, and a few others. Got to watch the big cannon go off for the start. Wow, what a noise!

Met up with J and J at Starbucks and we walked up to Pretoria Bridge to see the leaders of the half come and cheered on everyone else. It was perfect weather for a race!

I found out that the article in iRun about me came out that day, and I got to see people looking through the magazine at the post-race hoopla. It was a wierd feeling that so many people were reading about an article about what I face all the time. I hope people realize that I try to make all that a small part of my life and not all of it. It's funny how I hide or underscore that part of my life with my running or social friends and now they will all know about it. I also think that I really don't "fit" in as well as running friends because I'm a beginner, and I don't have the fitness level as many of they do. Something like my health condition just separates me more. Socially, you just can't date people if they know about it, and if they do know about it, it just doesn't last long, because you gain another "mother," in my experience. Boyfriends in the past have just become too obsessed over how you are feeling, or the amount of seizures, or afraid something is going to happen. I hate that. It just makes me feel more separated and less "normal." I don't hide it in my professional life, because I do use my health experiences to understand and deal with patients to make me more empathetic towards what my patients are going through. Also, if you are open about it in your professional life, it becomes harder for an employer to discriminate against you, because everyone knows they are doing it and the employer is more aware of hiding anything that might seem discriminatory. They still do it, but just in a more underscored way.

PS: You can read the article here: or pick up the magazine at any Running Room. I want to thank Jo-Jo for nominating me. It is a special thing to think that someone actually finds what you do to be inspiring. I guess it makes me feel all warm inside, but there are so many people that inspire me that I never really thought that other people would feel the same thing about me.


Running~Jordan said...

Your perspectives are so interesting C.

Thank you for sharing - and in that sharing giving us a deeper understanding <3 Jordan

Ted said...

Carrie - you are soooooooo amazing! I truly admire you. I do respect the fact that you have the courage. You are so determined to set your sights on running. You are certainly a role model to people with epilepsy. In a way, I am amazed that you don't let epilepsy control your life but you can control what you want to do in life. Kudos !!!

Kelodie said...

I read the article about you this morning, Carrie. I was very happy to see you had been nominated, because you are inspiring! You are so full of life despite epilepsy that it teaches us all a valuable life lesson. Sometimes, I will find myself complaining about a small injury or a cold and I'll try to be as cheerful as you are. It usually doesn't work too well, but that's a story for another day. ;-) Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.