I have seizure. I am done. All I can think about is pain. Not physical pain, but soul pain. I feel pain deep in my thoughts. I feel alone and I cannot share these feelings with anyone because no one has a scrambled egg of a mess of a brain as I have. I want to understand what is going on in a plausable way in my head, but there is no answer. All I can remember is a day I was caught in the rain and a thunderstorm trying to find a way to the hospital in North Bay when I knew I was going to have a seizure. There was no way I was going to get there in time and I could not find help on Jane Street. I ended up having a seizure on someone's porch on Jane Street, alone. In the rain - because the porch didn't provide enough shelter from the storm. No one came to the door. That is how I feel right now. Alone. Because no one can help me and sometimes I am tired of being the only one who can deal with this. Alone.
Om . . . Poor puppy Stella. She is trying to curl beside me but she doesn't understand.
PS (added later): I don't know if the above described post-ictal feelings at all, but at least it was raw and what was true at the moment it happened. Edited for frequent spelling errors. Obviously I can't spell or type after seizures.
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