Yesterday was a disappointing day. I ran only 15K when I was supposed to do 16K. That might not seem that bad, but the first 2/3rds of the run were right into the wind and it just sucked the energy right out of me as it continued. I just couldn't get any sort of ideal pace up. I just remained so damn slow throughout. The only time I picked up the pace was when the wind was behind me for a short 5K and by that time, I was just drained and couldn't capitalize on it at all. I am just going to be so damn slow through this race. If I keep this up, it is going to take 3+hours to complete. I am keeping up the endurance, but am not improving on speed at all.
The only thing that kept me going was the music on my iPod for the most thing. That kept me concentrating on moving forward. As soon as I lost my concentration, I was thinking about my breathing, my feet, my hips, my legs, how tired I was, etc. I also kept thinking about not running the half in May - that I wasn't ready. I'm not sure if I'm burning out, if this is just an small bump in the road, if this is physical exhaustion - I don't know. I might be overreacting. But with this half coming up fast, I should figure this out by this week. I'm running out of time.
I know I left this 'Half-marathon to complete' programme goal time up in the air; I did say I wanted to do it in the allotted time limit. I know I just wanted to complete my first half and just to think that I've been only running less than a year, but as training for this has gone so well, and I have been steadily improving - I've actually formed a goal time deep within my malformed brain of 'sub-3.' I wanted to do this first half race at a comfortable, conservative, enjoyable pace, which to me right now is 8:30/km, but this last run was horribly higher than that. I was going to concentrate on a better time for the Army Run.
I'm going to spend the next week just working hard, hitting all my runs, and reevaluate after next Sunday. If I still feel like this at the end of this week, I may make this week the cut-back week and decide that this is all mental. I know I can finish this. That is not the issue. I can run this like a zombie. It is my mental attitude I need to work on. That is my strength.
I'm going to cheer up this post with some more doggie humour. Stella ate the cord of my blender and my Nike Triax watch band this week. I haven't been using the blender this winter, but I use the blender to make fruit smoothies during the summer. I guess that is not going to happen. This is why I need to start buying cheap appliances now. The crappy thing about the Nike watch (the heart rate monitor strap is fine) is that I can't just go out and get a new band, since it is a completely single unit. I was exclusively using the Garmin now, but was using the Nike watch for work. Crap. It now has become a pocket watch. She started pooping black and was a little worried she finally ate something that caused some damage and she would cost me $$$ at the vet, but the black had red plastic flecks in it that matched the watch band. She was back to normal by the evening. Cleaning up the backyard, I found at least 5 or 6 dishwashing sponges in pieces in the backyard poo-poo mess. I ended up buying some cow leg bones at the pet food store (PetValu) which really grosses me out (I'm a damn vegetarian), but she hasn't chewed anything non-food since they were bought on Saturday. I hope that is the (gross!) solution to her driven need to chew everything in sight.
No seizures this week. Actually, I should state that no seizures got far. The stimulator took care of one. I have noticed these uncontrollable tremors of my legs and arms after that seizure that didn't go far. The pain over the surgical area has gotten a lot worse this week. The adhesions that are attached to the stimulator are horrible. My chest looks more and more malformed. I ran out of duct tape to put over it. I am afraid the pain will not go away this time or I won't get used to it again. I am trying to lay off the Advil this past week because my stomach feels gross again. It might be time to switch over to the Tylenol #1s again. I hate narcotics though. I haven't taken any lorazepam for a month either. I hate taking so many meds just to prevent seizures that are going to happen anyway. My mum and dad keeps researching epilepsy surgeries. I wish they would stop telling me about them and just understand my reason for not going through it. I guess that makes them feel better.