Saturday, March 22, 2008

Stella, work, surgery, blah, blah, blah . . .

I got to sleep in for the first time since Stella got home. She actually let me sleep in, I was so surprised. All the dogs got me up at 630, for "potty" but went back to bed when I did. Stella didn't actually go to bed right away; she played quietly with a toy in the bed for a bit. Her first week was tiring and she got a bladder infection, which made me bring her to the vet for antibiotics. Her potty training for "pee" went into the toilet (pun – ha, ha) because her bladder infection made it impossible for her to sometimes hold her pee and she would dribble and squat in pain. She had blood in her urine too. Now that the antibiotics are working, I have to start all over again, which is hard because she is not learning as fast as she was the first week. She has made a lot of pee mistakes since the infection, but has not made a poo mistake since the beginning of the first week.

I've been tired getting up a couple of times a night with her. I have to walk back and forth home to let her out and feed her lunch. I take my breaks and lunch all at once so I have time to go home for her. Things are going relatively well in that case. I knew this was going to make me tired, but she gets better and better each day.

I signed the consent for the second surgery on Tuesday this past week. I didn't like the appointment very much. Dr. B said he didn't recommend having this surgery because it was too risky – that I should just get used to not being able to move my neck over fully to the right. He left out the part how risky it would be to leave it and let the wire snap next to my carotid down the line. I told him that Dr. G insisted on the need for this surgery and since I've been with Dr. G for so long and that he has done so much for me; that I was going to go with his recommendation. His attitude was so – "surgeon-like." I should be used to that, but it's hard to take when you are actually the patient. It makes you feel for "civilian" patients, that aren't used to this and have to make these decisions without medical knowledge about the system, etc. He didn't give me a good, confident feeling about this surgery anyways. I know that MDs have to give the risks involved, and I am totally aware of the risks involved, but really, he didn't have to act like that; but I have seen worse.

Dr. W doesn't think I am ready to work as a regular nurse yet. I guess I might agree with him. Stress really gets to me still and these "panic attacks" really hurt my self-confidence. I am back on the floor for half days and I don't feel like I belong there at all anymore. It really sucks. I feel like I am a "volunteer" even though I do more than one of the clerks on a half day, then she does in a whole day.

This long weekend has come at a great time. It gives me a great recharge at just the time I need it. Hopefully, I'll be able to recharge and come at this next week with a new attitude.

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