Thursday, November 29, 2007

News today

I found out today from my neuro's secretary that my surgery is tentatively scheduled for December 18th, awaiting the word from the neuro surg. I actually found out from the neuro surg's secretary that they had tentatively scheduled the surgery for December 18th, awaiting word from the neuro. So, unofficially, it sounds like the surgery is December 18th. One hand doesn't know what the other is doing and no one wants to tell the main character - me. But, this time, both docs have a date they are planning, instead of last time, where the neuro surg had booked a date and the neuro, at the last minute, pulled out (both docs deny this is what happened, but it sounds like that is what happened from internal hospital sources that I talked to). At least they are not raising my hopes like they did last time, but it doesn't take away the guilt they must feel that this surgery should have been done in the summer at the very latest.

Peanut is doing a little better. She doesn't appear as sore as she was yesterday and the day before. When she got back from the vet, you could tell she was still drugged and lost and very sore. She moved around like a real old dog and that made me very sad because it hits you that she will not be around forever (getting a little "veclamped" as I type this). I rely on Peanut so much for moral, emotional support, I cannot begin to list the value I place on Peanut and Latte in my life. I really, truly believe that they are the reason I am still alive. The number one cause of death in unstable epileptics is suicide. The number two cause of death is SUDEP, something I am at serious risk for, as I have been told, because of my unstability, and living by myself. I really do believe that Peanut and Latte have prevented both on numerous occasions.

Back to Peanut, she is on a powerful veternary anti-inflammatory called Deramaxx for 4 weeks. It causes irritation to the gastrointestinal tract, and Peanut is sensitive to medications in the GI tract, so she has been barfing after meals. She hasn't been pooping very often either, so I halved the dose and am giving the daily dose over two meals, instead of giving the entire dose with one meal. We'll see how that goes today. I am resistant at this point to call the vet yet to change the med because she has stopped limping and has returned to her normal movement so soon after the start of this medication. She is not supposed to jump on the bed or play right now but she jumped on the bed by herself and is there right now. She looks comfortable and I am happy about that right now.

I have been having alot of nasty seizures the past couple of days, probably due to the stress I was feeling over what was going on with Peanut. I was in bed almost the whole day yesterday and most of the day the day before. I took the Ativan to head this off, but it just didn't work this time. I have been letting things go also around the house. I sometimes lose my ability to express thoughts by talking. That is scaring me the most. I am going out to dinner tonite with trusted friends from work, and if it happens then, I don't think I'll want to go out anymore until after the surgery. It's just too embarrassing.

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