Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My body tells me one thing, I tell it to GTH . . .

I'm feeling tired. I'm feeling run down. Too bad.

To hell with that, I remain very optimistic.

I'm on the treadmill almost everyday and jogging up and down the hydroline trail on the way to and from work. It makes me feel great, but afterwards I feel a dull ache in my chest and am tired afterwards. Once this tumor/abscess is gone, I'm going to feel like supergirl.

I haven't got anything planned for this spring running-wise. I am registered for Ottawa Race Weekend half-marathon, but timing might not be possible, depending on when surgery is (I've been assured it's 'any day now.'

I really like that I'm still very upbeat and optimistic at my recovery. The surgeon said that the tumor/abscess is well-contained and not seeded on the chest wall, which makes the chance of spreading anywhere very remote. The cells are not malignant but the infection is the same bug as last year.

I would like to run a couple of trail races this year, but I will have to see how I recover after surgery. I'm not going to push it. It's more important to recover first.

Friday, January 14, 2011

How to survive disaster in some not so easy steps . . .

I haven't posted in awhile. I know that. Sometimes I don't feel the need to post when things are content and swimming along great.

Then karma kicks me in the arse.

If you scroll down to October/November/December 2009, you will see what I went through and survived. Then I forgot and happily skipped down the trail.

Then a lump started growing on my chest wall where the surgery took place. I finally started barfing and getting really uncomfortable pain. My energy was draining and it was taking a lot out of me. I finally got it looked at.

The initial thought was that it was an abscess forming around the end of the wire that could not come out. The wire needed to come out, the surgery I was dreading, since the wire runs up from my chest, up high into my neck. There is a possibility I will lose my voice. Sounds horrible, right? Well, something inside me told me that this wasn't the worse thing that could happen. Something worse was happening.

I went into ultrasound. The goal was to drain the abscess and test the fluid. Start me on the appropriate antibiotics to fight the infection before surgery.

They could not drain the 'abscess' because it wasn't an abscess.

It was a tumor. A large one.

Six passes of a large bore needle deep into my chest later, they took all the samples they could that day.

I saw the enemy on that ultrasound and I knew the worse was happening. There was nothing I could do.

I live the best that I am able. Why weren't having seizures enough? What the hell kind of karma am I carrying around? It is barely enough to handle for one person, so I really try to carry on.

I try my best to carry on, but I have no idea what kind of future I have anymore. I have no help but me. I cannot let myself down.

I am angry. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am confused. I am lost. I am sore. I am sick. I am tired. I am scared. I am worried.

But . . .

I feel the wind. I see the sun. I love the stars. I love the moon. I have spirit. I am strength.

I understand. I love. I smile. I laugh. I taste. I feel. I have faith.

I don't know what the future brings me, but I must continue to be true to myself. Just continue as long as I can. Being me.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

New strength training . . .

You know your new strength programme is working when you wake up paralyzed in your arms and your core. Holy hell, I'm sore today!

What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger . . . .

Right now, it consists of:
1) bench press with 10lb dumbells
2) situps
3) lateral raises with 10lb dumbells
4) leg extensions with 8lb weights
5) standing leg curls with 8lb weights
6) 10lb dumbell raise (behind head)
7) tricep pull down with R-band
8) shoulder shrugs with R-band
9) dumbell curls with 10lb weights
10) 10lb dumbell presses
11) lateral pull outs with R-band
12) push ups off of step
13) leg raises from kneeling position with 8lb weight
14) lateral leg raises (standing) with 8lb weight
15) burpees
16) lunges
17) plank
18) side plank
19) superman
20) one leg balance on bosu ball
21) lateral pulls with R-band
22) back leg raises with 8lb weights

Horrible. The horror. This should work. Scheduled once a week right now.

Friday, June 4, 2010


We were all discussing our blogs on RM ( and I realized I've been blog-neglectful lately. So, maybe with the new goals I've set for myself, I should dust off the blog and journal my journey again.

The health disaster that was this past winter is past and the only thing that remains are the well-healed scars on my chest and the small scar where the PICC line was. It actually made me shudder to see the posts previous with the pictures of the open wounds I had. But that is past and I've moved on.

I've had a great spring and just completed my second and most fun half marathon. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It's nice to be able just to enjoy the experience rather than worry and fret over things that you can't control. That's not me.

My new goal is a 50K trail run at Haliburton Forest in September. It's very ambitious for someone like me, but I think with all the crap I can get through with a smile on my face, it is a possible goal. I already have the mental part down, just need to get the body up to speed (distance).

This is my first week of my training programme. It is mostly a recovery/cutback week, then I'm starting into it. I was at my RMT's office today and it seems like I've come through this pretty well. I also had a great 10+K run today along the river. It was very enjoyable and I stopped to look at baby ducks, take pictures and take in the beautiful day. I also had a though that maybe I should just stick to distances and not worry so much about the time. I dunno. I'll think about this more.

Welcome if you are new to this blog! Welcome back if you notice I've started posting again!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I'm not the only slacker . . .

It seems I'm not the only one slacking off of blogging as of late. Some of my favourite and fellow bloggers have been posting about their lack of posting lately. I am guilty too. It might be the effects of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) that have giving me the blahs. I'm currently sick of cold and have swallowed my pride and gotten a gym membership to keep up my running which is the only thing keeping me from hanging myself (figuritively). I keep getting colds (this is my second in a month for a girl who rarely gets colds). I had another bad reaction to the last antibiotic that I'm supposed to be on long term. Being so itchy is torturous and I'm really done being a little guinea pig.

In other news, Stella decided to snack on a Blackberry. Not the delicious, tart fruit available from California growers, but the lovely little Blackberries that I rely upon for daily life supplied by RIM.

Obviously this is damage NOT covered by warranty. This was a major $$$$ ouch to replace. Nothing new perhaps with Stella. She likes to cost me $$$$. Oh well, she is damn cute and provides hours of entertainment and love.

Friday, January 15, 2010

No updates . . .

I haven't been doing much. I'm slowly trying to rebuild my base, running or snowshoeing everyday so far this year. It's been successful up to this point.

Stella turns 2 years old today. She is no longer a puppy. Don't tell her that though. She's still acting very puppyish.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

On the eve of 2010 . . .

What a year and what a decade! I have to admit, despite all the hardships, I've had an amazing life - especially in the past year.

I am thankful of 3 fantastic furry daughters (one of whom is farting away right now and doesn't smell so fantastic), healthy parents, great friends, I'm running, I'm alive, I have a job and a good life right now.

I hope everyone has a great 2010 and it finds everyone healthy, wealthy (or wealthier) and wise!

Live long and prosper.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy X-Mas!

Peanut, Latte, Stella and myself wish all the readers a fantastic holiday. May all your dreams come true and I hope you have an even better 2010!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Comeback . . .

I am sloooooowly returning to pre-surgery status. Last week I ran/walked 14K. This week I ran 24K. I feel strong though and feel I could be running more, but I want to take it slow, since this would be the time I could hurt myself. Next week, the plan is in the 30K range. Also, all runs are easy for now, to get back into the swing of things.

I'm allergic to the new antibiotics, Septra, so I have to go back and might get the PICC line back in. Boo hoo. Not happy. Oh well, the sutures are out. The skin coming off the hands is gross, but what is really gross is the skin coming off the bottoms of the feet in large and thick sheets. Uggh. Think worse blisters ever. I just coat the feet in Penaten (sp?) zinc cream, wear two pairs of socks and get out there and ignore it.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Happy, happy, happy . . .

I ran today. I ran happy. I ran until I cried happy tears. People must have thought I was crazy. I am sooooo happy to be running again. Comeback, here I come.